Now it´s the 3rd night I did not sleep.. I´m so tired.. but I just can´t find rest until some decisions are made..
two men.. two different feelings, but very similar to each other..
until now I did not let the feelings free.. because I don´t want to hurt one of them.. or hurt myself.
but I´m hurting all the time.. so it´s all the same..
though I told him about my feelings.. he does not say a word.. I think he likes me.. he likes me liking him..wanting him... but he will not decide.. he will let me hang in misery just like before..
The "other one" is waiting for MY decision.. I think I´ll let today´s school pass.. and think some more.. but I will not go to bed today without a change in my path.. I cannot go the hidden path among trees, through a jungle any more..
I´m not able to hold back anymore..

though I do know what will happen.. it´s throbbing inside of me..
´
I´m fallen to the ground.. but I just rest.. I´ll stand again..

sigh.. I´m just a bad liar..
i do not know how to stand again.. my body feels so cold.. I just want to lie down and fade away..
I do not want to give up, though..

I just don´t want to be dead inside anymore
I just want want someone who could love me and what´s inside of me..
I just want to love someone back, who I really feel for.. whom I want to save.. want to hold..

I just want it to be real